The Line of Best Fit.

New Adventures in Emotional Esotericness.

2012-01-30T00:26:00.000-08:00

We'll always have that look and those words, even if we can't have each other.

Well, I always will.

TWITTER < / 3 BREAK

2012-01-28T17:53:00.002-08:00

Rather than spam your feeds with maudlin, esoteric Tweets about how atrocious today has been, I've decided to compile a bunch of musings into this blog since no one is reading. This is for release purposes only and not at all a call for attention or an attempt to appear woeful. I just hate everything today and wouldn't want to worry you beautiful people about it.

-Life is full of disappointments.
-I've come to accept I'm an inherently saddened person. I'm not incapable of feeling happiness... it just takes a lot more to make it last.
-The cruelty of cyclical feelings cannot be abided.
-What did you do when you were in my shoes?
-I can't have anything. Not the things I want or the things I don't.
-It can't always be "make it up to me."
-Believe in the line of best fit. The belief is the function.
-Sometimes you have to bounce the signal back, even if it's the only one coming in.
-It'll be better tomorrow, unless it's not.

I'll be right as rain soon, but for now I'll just soak.

TODAY WILL ALWAYS BE ENDLESS.

On My John Darnielle Jawn

2012-01-13T00:35:00.000-08:00

Liquor store prices for liquor store people.

Offered without comment.

2011-12-03T00:18:00.000-08:00

Why touch so many hearts when I can't even hold onto one?

One esoteric sentence and a heart.

2011-08-04T17:35:00.004-07:00

Most orbits won't hold. But a satellite, though- a satellite'll always circle.

{okay, I lied about the one sentence. <3}

"New York Telephone Conversation"

2011-04-20T01:49:00.002-07:00

Well, he did it. Young Based Gaitan finally updated his blog.

Submitted for your approval, a story I wrote in a scant hour, but I thought about for a lot longer. What I'm hoping to convey is the feeling of a phone call with a person that one cares about a lot. Essentially, we've all had at least one interaction that we couldn't quite stop thinking about, for reasons that are ours to keep.

Tentatively titled "Person-to-Person," but I'll probably just delete this tomorrow and post one esoteric sentence and a heart.

When you've finished reading, comments are appreciated, but if you have the time, answer me this: what DOES the sound of a receiver picking up mean to you? What does that click make you think?

With much further ado:

"Person-to-Person"

One ring, then another, each a heartbeat. A ringing phone had always been his pulse. If the line went dead, he was sure he would as well.

Then the click. The one. Either he's about to send another signal, or someone's honed into his heart.

“Hello?”

The sound of her voice. On air, he was, in his own words.

“Hello?”

Many people have an immediate answer to this question. The Hero of Our Story never did.

“Oh, um, hey! Hi- how're you?”

Three greetings, zero content. The Hero of Our Story couldn't help but think about these things. What should he say next? Should he mention that the click of the connection was the sound of his troubles shuffling off?

“I'm fine. How are you?”

He told her how he was. And then he asked her again.

“That's good to hear! And hahaha, you already asked me that!”

Shit, he had. Play it cool, Hero of Our Story, play it cool. He didn't know what to say next.

“So... how're you?”

Now she did it! But he couldn't call her on that. Of course he could, but damned if he would.

“I'm doing okay. Sorry for the call, I hope you're not busy! It's just been a while, and I got to thinking of the time.”

She giggled, and his heart was never as kite-like again.

“What are you sorry for? Haha. I can't talk for long, and actually I have to run, but it's so good to hear from you! Listen, can I call you back? I'm free tomorrow, are you?”

For her, he was.

“For you, I am.”

“Okay, great! Listen, I'll give you a call, okay! I will! You take care now.”

“Okay, b--”

He told his friends about this call, he told them all the time, but he always wondered how it went.

*****
What would he tell her tomorrow? Would he have a better story? Would he tell her how the hang-up chirp was his troubles turning back?

There's a world somewhere where he told her the funniest joke she'd ever heard. Where neither he or she were busy. There's a world out there where the Hero of Our Story talked away his whole day.

There's a world where she called back, and one in which she didn't. In both he got the message.

Derezzed.

2011-01-12T16:34:00.004-08:00

I've been thinking about connections. It's funny how applicable the duality of the term is- we talk all the time about getting the perfect signal, about having reception, about coming into contact. Several months ago, while woozy from the bourbon and what it brings out, I got to thinking about how many connections we have, how many we make, and how many we break. I suffered over my blinking cursor, trying to find the right syntax, the right set of words that could capture something so ultimately indefinable. That's when I remembered a quick note I had made in a small notepad, just a dashed-out bit of cursive written to waste ink and time.

It said, in the sloppiest scrawl imaginable:

"Our hearts are satellites."

And they are- they really are! It's difficult to deny that we humans, among ourselves, we have something going on beneath the surface. We are all attune to each other. We can sense when something's wrong, we get a feeling about a place or a person or a thing, we get mixed signals from conversations and from misreading texts, Tweets, and emails. YouTube's slogan is "Broadcast Yourself," but don't we already do that anyway? The clothes we wear, the words we choose, the friends we make, the requests we approve or deny, they're all a signal we fire off, in the hopes that something or someone will latch on. We miss people, so we call them, or write them- synchronicity exists! When you're thinking of someone or something, how does that thought pop into your head? Physiologically it's firings of synapses, but something had to spark them off. LIfe is a constant stream, with peaks and troughs, and it's all in the amplitude.

Conversely, why do we tune out what we tune out? What do we choose? How do we choose? What makes us decide when we want to change the channel, metaphorically or not? For the purposes of this moment I'm speaking strictly of the online experience, but it can be applicable universally. I've always been the type to try to please everyone. I think I'm amiable, friendly, and all-around a righteous dude. So why do I lose friends? Why do people unfollow me, or remove me from their friends' lists? Some people would rather not think on that level- they don't need to know or don't want to know when someone's retracted their interest: they might be the ones that are better off.

I have unfollowed, I have denied friend requests, and in the past I have waded through and unchecked the boxes, but mostly they've been spam accounts- I usually confirm anyone I've met in person. But especially with the idea of removing friends, it's the pruning that does it for me- you had to go through your lists, you clicked several menus, and you confirmed I didn't matter anymore. What was it about me that didn't make the cut?

I don't mean to turn this into a "woe-is-me" rant about losing followers or denied requests on social networks, because these things have and will happen again. I'm just fascinated with the dichotomy of the treatment of connections and friendships. It's just a a thought, just a new experience brought on by the new American loneliness- when we can hide behind the anonymity of the internet, our actions don't give us pause. Imagine it translated to real-life: how often do people actually end friendships face-to-face? Usually the catalyst for something like that is an unforgivable trespass, but rarely do we think about someone we haven't talked to in years, only to say, "We're not friends anymore." How horrible would that be- what a bad taste it would leave in people's mouth? But behind the screen, we can reach out and cut our losses, quell our numbers, and not bat an eye, because no one will ever notice.

Whether romantically or platonically, we want someone to take us in, to tune in, to care about who we are and what we're about. Feelings are a messy business, and some people tamp them down better than others. It's a frequency that's hailed me for some time. I spend my days jotting down these aphorisms in my phone, on the back of envelopes, on whatever I can get my hands on because the data doesn't stop. We all need people, whether we admit it or not- we sign up for these networks and we make our choices because we want others to notice, to latch on, to accept the signals we give off. We put ourselves on display and sum ourselves up in clever little descriptions because we want to be. We need someone to listen, to notice, to like what we like and us for who we are. Somebody to tune in.

Our hearts are satellites, and we're all just looking for receivers.

"There's Always A Way"

2010-06-23T21:23:00.004-07:00

Cross-posted from the Spectrum Culture blog:

Musings by me, on one of my favorite series, All-Star Superman

WARNING: MAD LONG, AND FULL OF SPOILERS, SORTA

There’s nary a person alive that doesn’t know Superman. In both the fictional universe he exists and in our realm, he’s easily the most famous man on the planet, maybe even the entire solar system. He’s achieved all the feats that a man can achieve in his time or any time at that. But have you considered the opposite? Though Superman’s name is commonplace, he most assuredly does not know everyone alive. How could he? Even with his stellar powers, what mind could process that type of information?

Humans are an inherently self- preservational: although we maintain our illusions of the greater good and of being kind to one another, most people truly look out for their own best interests. There is not anything wrong with that mentality, but it is not unheard of to be an insular type, unconcerned with any of the world’s problems but one’s own. But who isn’t, you ask? Who is the one person in the world who can put the needs of everyone above his own?

Superman.

Superman has been presented as a savior, as a Christic figure, as mankind’s last hope. But religious ascribements aside, he’s really just a super man, and Grant Morrison sees this. Longtime comic book fans tire of the character- they see him as a boy scout, as an outdated, overpowered relic of Golden Age fantasy. Lest we forget his original incantation was as a villain, Superman has always been the Superhero Gold Standard. People the world over debate every aspect of his powers: can he outrun the Flash? Is he stronger than the Hulk? Would he and Captain Marvel have a chin-off if they met in real life?

In All-Star Superman, Morrison and artist Frank Quitely take a refreshingly new perspective on The Man of Steel- they write him the most human he’s ever been. They cast the fan boy arguments aside and treat the man like a normal person, who just happens to be able to fly. Bear in mind that Superman draws his powers from Earth’s yellow sun, and that he is, for all intents and purposes, an alien. Were he back on Krypton, he would not stick out- he’d have some fame, being the son of that planet’s greatest scientist, but ultimately he would not be as recognized or revered as he is on our planet. On Earth he has to disguise himself as Clark Kent, and Morrison writes this version as the costume, contrary to other writers who prefer to focus on strictly his abilities. While the man’s powers do make for some cool reading and events, ultimately what kind of a story could be told with a one-dimensional character who does the same thing every time? I, for one, would (and did) get tired of just reading stories where Superman got his ass kicked around space or Metropolis for 20 pages, only to kick back in the last two. Other writers have tried to “spice” him up with radical redesigns and extreme new powers, but Morrison and Quitely realize that a character as iconic as Superman is more compelling when they investigate what truly makes him tick.

The most important part of writing Superman as a human is his giving him humanity and the creators of All-Star Superman manage to make him accessible like none before- they make him confront his mortality. While saving a scientific expedition to the sun that has been led astray by Lex Luthor, Superman’s cells are irradiated by sun rays, overloading them with more than he can bear. He is literally dying for the first time in his life. (“Death and Return of Superman” doesn’t count, because he was straight-up killed, and it sucked.) While green Kryptonite used to be the one thing to bring him to his knees, Morrison and Quitely present a Superman who has experienced a lifetime’s worth of living. As he’s aged he’s gotten stronger, even growing resilient to his former poison. However when his cells are dying, he begins to slowly lose even the powers that make him Superman.

Confronted with the knowledge that he’s coming undone, Superman finds himself making his peace with his former friends and lovers. At the end of issue one, he reveals himself to Lois Lane, who endlessly doubts him, and contradicts her own theorems about Clark Kent’s strange behavior. In the most memorable story in the series, “Sweet Dreams, Super Woman,” Superman presents his beloved with his greatest gift of all: his powers. He synthesizes a formula that will allow her to be as he is for exactly 24 hours. They spend the day flying together, fighting crime, and just experiencing the world through his eyes, until the time traveling troublemakers Samson and Atlas show up. They try to woo Lois, and one of their gifts is a necklace stolen from a pharaoh, who shows up and promises to end her life if Superman cannot answer The Unanswerable Question, which is one of the 12 Feats of Legend that he is to complete before his death.

After freeing her and dispatching of her would-be suitors, her powers wear off and he lays her down to sleep tenderly, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. Although we know he’s falling apart on the inside, Superman has never had a more vulnerable moment in his life.

“Funeral in Smallville,” about the passing of Jonathan Kent, takes place in the past, and has Superman at his most naïve. As he fights with other future Supermen to defeat a creature called the Chronovore, he suddenly realize he can’t pick up Jonathan Kent’s heartbeat. As he flies away so fast his hair catches fire, tears well up in his eyes as he exclaims, “I can save him! I can save everybody.” Such simple dialogue masterfully understates one of the defining moments in the development of the Superman character: the day he realized that the world wouldn’t always be kind.

Volume 2 features the more exploratory stories including issue 10, “Neverending,” which might reasonably be the most important story since Alan Moore’s “For the Man Who Has Everything.” The issue deals with Superman’s life legacy in the diegetic world, but also doubles as a commentary of the longevity of the character in comics form. A near-death Superman spends the day settling his affairs, and in perhaps the most touching moment in the series, he comforts a teenager contemplating suicide. He embraces her and he utters, “You’re much stronger than you think you are.” With this little girl on the ledge of a building, Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton, is unequivocally the most connected he’s ever been with humanity- he’s on the ledge of his own life, looking over, but with no one to hold him in their arms. He’s not going to be okay, but the girl is, and he knows- but he comforts her anyway.

The ending of the series is much too important and touching to be summed in a few sentences, but what Morrison and Quitely achieve is monumental- with their book, they’ve turned the Man of Steel into a more than a Boy Scout in tights- they’ve made him a man. As writer Mark Waid postulates in his intro to Volume Two, “Superman achieves his power by believing in us.” In his youth and in his twilight, he always was the same kid from Smallville, who thought he could save everybody. The beauty of All-Star Superman is that even though he is Superman, and Clark Kent, and the savior of humanity, he’s always been Kal-El: the boy of two worlds who lost the center of both. Morrison and Quitely hit home the idea that he may be an alien, and he may be more able than us, but he’s ours. There’s always a way. He’s failing himself, but he’d never fail us.

END OF SUPERMAN TALK

Things have been going- let's just leave it at that.

This Property is Condemned.

2010-02-12T04:25:00.004-08:00

*The content of this post has been edited for time, alloted volume, and general reasons of reflection.*

I miss you.

[CENSORED.]

Yes, you, [CENSORED.]

My heart hopes you're happy, but my mind can't say as much.

I'll always miss you.

[CENSORED.]

*The lyrics to "A Better Son/ Daughter" by Rilo Kiley go in this section.*

Honour Among Thieves

2010-01-12T01:13:00.003-08:00

In the spirit of new year and new changes, I will attempt to update this blog more frequently, and have more content-rich posts.

With that...

Lately I've been sleepless. I toss and turn with thoughts rocking about, uneasy with what spews from my mind. I'm sure this has happened to us all, so I'll spare the rhetorical bit and dive right into my point:

Do you ever think about the ones you said you'd never give a second thought?

Last night, as I lay in bed, my thoughts turned to one person: Honour Fisher.

Honour Fisher was the only blonde in my summer school classes. The Summer Enrichment Academy was rife with pretty girls, and supercool dudes, but being South Florida, Honour stuck out like, well... a blonde haired, blue-eyed girl in a sea of brown haired, brown eyed girls. Honour was a commodity that all the boys hoped to trade.

Every boy was in love with Honour Fisher. She was friendly, outgoing, and surprisingly down-to-earth for a cheerleader. Honour knew she was loved, and Honour valued this. It wasn't an accident when Honour would drop her pencils or knock over her books- it was an opportunity for the one of us who would volunteer to help her out. Honour would appreciatively smile, and reward her valiant suitor with middle school's prized possession- the ever elusive "kiss on the cheek."

Most young Hispanic men and women will tell you that a kiss on the cheek is nothing more than an informal greeting- a way of showing familiarity and welcome. This wasn't so with non-Hispanics- any physical contact took on a much more sensual meaning. This is why Honour Fisher and her cheek kisses were so sought after. Then came the day that Honour Fisher asked me if I could help her gather her things.

******

Her books lay on the floor, and she sheepishly grinned.

"Oh, I'm such a klutz!"

"Allow me," I said, from just above the tile as I scooped her notebooks and papers off the floor.

"Thank you, Ralph," she said to me. I hated being called Ralph, but Honour above all.

"You're welcome, Honour."

She leaned in for my reward... but so did I. That was when the tips of our lips touched. Innocently enough.

"Thanks again!"

She took her stack and took off.

This had to mean something! That's when the word got out. When you're a chubby young Hispanic kid who had never kissed a girl, there was Honour to be upheld.

*****

She laughed when she heard. Laughed so hard she choked on her milk. She even snorted. It would have been a cute snort.

"Eww, him?! I can't believe he's telling people he stole a kiss from me. Like I'd ever kiss a guy like him!"

I had to agree, frankly.

The teasing ended soon after, but I knew what heartache was. My crush on Honour grew, even though I knew she would never have me. Finally came the day where I bought Honour a birthday card. It was hand-picked, thoroughly thought-out, and contained the most heartfelt sentiments a second-language seventh grader could muster.

She said she loved it. She loved it so much she left it unopened, along with the thirteen other envelopes from our classmates, buried in her purse beneath the teddy bear that Alex got her. She didn't have to read it- she knew how I felt, right?

*****

That was the day I learned what seventh-grade heartbreak was. There had to be a reason Honour and I touched lips, right? But then why was she so cruel? If she never kissed anyone so closely before, then why was she so keen on Alex? And what were they doing behind the school during lunchtime, or in the Jurassic Park arcade game with the curtain at the bowling alley?

I swore I'd never be suckered like that again. My feelings were mine to control- I'd know if a woman was playing me, and I'd know when she wasn't interested.You can believe a lot when you're young.

I recently tried to look up Honour.I might have her name misspelled, or perhaps she's fallen off the grid... but what if she knows I was looking for her? The seventh-grade side of me suggests I spelled it right- how could I have forgotten?

I'm not in love with Honour Fisher. This may seem like the case, but it's not. Honour just popped into my head recently while thinking of this long, strange trip I dare to call a "love" life. She wasn't the first girl I liked, or even the first I noticed, but she was the first that made an impression. When I met girls in middle and high school that I might be interested in, I judged them on the Honour system. I made sure to accentuate the negative before I could accept the positive. It worked on the one girl I dated in high school.

*****

Last I heard, she and Alex were still together. Granted, this was roughly a decade ago, so things might be a little different. If y'all are still together, good tidings to you, and Alex- no hard feelings. There never were any. Thanks for that wallet though- it was pretty awesome.

Love, be loved, and spill your satisfaction into the material world. Your gut feeling is usually much better than your overthought instincts. Every one of us has had or will have our stories like this. As you lay your head down when you do, you'll probably think of a time like this. Just promise me one thing, please.

Don't put your Honour above all.

Heaven at Night

2009-11-05T16:12:00.004-08:00

Hey everybody,

I made it before another 12 months rolled by! If I keep this rate up, I might have some semblance of an update schedule... but I wouldn't worry- I'll be back to thinking of updating instead of doing it in no time.

As for now,

I'm back at work! I had a brief (like two and a half week) stay with Target, but on day two I remembered why retail jobs are so readily available, and why I swore I'd never cotton to a job where I get lotion on my hands. How can people stand looking at diapers and Advil bottles all day? They're the real heroes... except for the actual ones.

Currently I'm working in an office in Carlsbad, which is about 35 miles from San Diego. It's supposed to be a call center, but we haven't had a single call in four days, so I'm essentially getting paid to tell you fine folks about it, makes jokes with Graham Linehan on Twitter, and read forums about movie mistakes.

You know, things are actually working out quite nicely. I'm not feeling the guilt-ridden pangs of being unemployed anymore- dare I say I'm actually happy? If not happy, then definitely on the road in that general direction.

Oh yeah- and for those not in the know: my insurance debacle was finally settled back in July. I have a new car- a 1995 Ford Mustang convertible. I have dubbed her the Green Hornet, and I am aware it is a bit of a misnomer, so please, just run with it?

What else can I briefly update you on... I'm still DJing for KSDT, and with this job, it means I will be able to stick to the schedule. Please tune in this Saturday from 12:00 p.m to 2:00 p.m. PST (3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. EST) to hear more stories, synthesizers, and severe banter.

I really have got to start writing more. Be it here, for my personal interests, or even for creative and potential endeavors. This time, however, I don't intend it to be an empty promise. I have a story I'm working on transcribing and then editing- perhaps I'll post it and maybe you fine folks can give me some feedback?

Oh, Pre-Post Script- thank you to all of you for the birthday wishes. My birthday was a lovely time, and it ended how I always dreamed it would: drunk in the 1970s in a red leather booth, with hamburger grease on my paisley tie and a heart of helium.

Til' next time, please, continue to love each other as I do you.

-Raf

This is what I've always wanted.

Years of Refusal.

2009-08-25T02:39:00.003-07:00

Sometimes I felt like I would never come back. Sometimes I thought I'd visit every day.

I'm still here though. Just thought I'd remind you all of that.

See ya when I see ya.

PS:

4540 54 St Apt 12
San Diego, CA 92115

Who doesn't love a good mail surprise?

Also, still DJing. Saturdays at 2pm PST/ 5PM EST.

http://ksdt,ucsd.edu

PPS: I have more news to share, and less time to share it in. AU REVOIRE.

Boombox.

2009-03-24T23:17:00.003-07:00

So, I remembered this thing existed, and was saddened to know some of you still check it for the bi-annual update.

Here it is.

Though in real news, I will be DJing for KSDT Fiercely Independent Radio on Sundays from 7:00 a.m to 8:00 a.m. PST (10:00 a.m to 11:00 a.m EST.) It's internet radio, so please listen. The other shows they have on there are some good stuff too. Check it out:

ksdt.ucsd.edu

The show title is Some Folks Call It A Bear Surprise, and it should be really awesome. I plan on synching up this blog to the show, i.e. maybe writing on topics I might bring up during the show or taking ideas from my updates and working them in. I would love it if you would all be a part of it...since most of you who might even listen are out in Florida.

BTDubs, the best album ever is "Incredibad" by The Lonely Island. Too bad I can't play any of their songs on the radio.

Anyways, soon I'm going to write a real post about my obsessions of '08 and of late (808s and Heartbreak, Battlestar Galactica, Punisher: War Zone, etc.) so it will feel like we've been in touch all along. Won't that be nice?

I do miss you all though, and if you're in the Gainesville area from April 30th- May 3rd, then act like you know and come see a brotha.

For now, I gotta go to bed to wake up for my job I don't like, much like a lot of you. Sorry :-/

Laters,

Gaytown.

West Coast Smoker.

2008-12-28T20:55:00.005-08:00

Is it narcissism if you love yourself for all the wrong reasons?

What if you feel the opposite?

PS: New Fall Out Boy is catchy as fuhhhhh.
PPS: Ask me about Crenshaw Boulevard.

Robot Rock.

2008-12-18T22:09:00.003-08:00

I love that I live in a house where a joke about willingly becoming a robot leads to a legitimately intriguing discussion about the dynamics, drawbacks, and advantages of implanting a robot with quantifiable emotion.

Andrew's point: What good is a perfect feeling of love and happiness if there was never any sadness to counteract it? Essentially, without sadness there can't be happiness, so even a certifiable implant of an emotion, where it possible, would be meaningless. Really, there would be nothing to compare it to. Andrew feels that sadness needs to be ever-present to properly "calibrate" the measure of "happiness" included.

Raf's point: Agreed that there has to be a measure of the opposite to compound a feeling, but I feel that were one able to perfect a sadness that leaves an impression without remaining, it would truly lead to a permanent and quantifiable feeling of ecstacy. Think of a footprint: it lets you know someone was there, without you have to see the person walking those steps. My suggestion was to implant sad memories, but to remove them after a while, so that the impression remains, and not the impressor.

Having known sadness without reliving it, could a robot truly be permanently happy? Once the being recognizes and/ or relives these events, it acknowledges the flaws and essentially, it becomes humanity. In knowing there is more than it knows, so to speak...giving a robot sadness makes it human.

Discuss?

In non-sentient technology news, it's almost Christmas and I'm starting to fall victim to the Yuletide of emotions people tend to get this time of year. I miss home, I miss you all, yet I'm strangely happy I'm staying in California. Going to Vegas won't hurt, but the fact that I didn't have the option to fly back does. Bollocks to that nonsense.

For those of you worried, my Irish Kudzu patch is coming back nice and think, and bramblier than ever. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and I get scruffier and scruffier. 2009 will be a bear of a hair surprise.

Here's hoping the best for you and yours.

-Raf

PS: No, we're not drunk: this entire discussion came about because of how much I love synthpop, electronic music, and Daft Punk's phenomenal Alive 2007: Japan

PPS: If only I could be an android bear...

Coldest Winter.

2008-12-15T19:07:00.003-08:00

So what motivates someone better than greed? Well, girlz, dawg, but you can't win those from Shaun Spalding's brother Steve. I am posting about the Sears Grant a Wish contest, brought to us by the good folks at www.howtosplitanatom.com. Apparently Sears is offering Steve and seven other cohorts the chances to spread material Christmas cheer. I love nothing more than talking about myself and winning stuff I didn't earn, so I am linking back to his site, as per the official rules. If you're reading this Steve: thanks a lot; it's awesome that you're gonna be able to make a few people's Christmases that much more awesome.

In order to officially participate, I have to link to the post, so here we go

A Steve Spalding Selebration

Click on it, and maybe you'll win something too! Maybe we all will, if we melt enough corporate hearts with our combined Christmas sneers.

In real life news: I got a bonus at my job I don't like. It helps deal with the blatant disrespect and the egregious abuse of my good nature and willingness to help.

I also have to replace the brakes on my car and it appears someone stuck a nail in my tire, so chuuuuuuch.

Oh yeah, and I don;t know if I'll post any more frequently than once a month as it seems, but happy holidays to you and yours. Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, and those of you who celebrated it, I hope you had a solemn and dignified Ramadan.

I might be going to Vegas after Christmas... so stay tuned.

Thanks to all of you for reading, especially Katrina Tan, Andrew's sister, who I had no idea would find rantings about comics and weirdos that interesting.

Later days.

PS: I drink on Sundays.

Debaser.

2008-12-06T01:08:00.002-08:00

Sometimes I really do feel like I'm frontin.' I mean, I have a job in this economy, yet I still find everything to complain about. Maybe I'm being too melodramatic...and this is almost assuredly the case, but I can't seem to help myself. In Other news, EMILY VUXTON, here are the long promised pictures of our house three months ago:

For those of you who I've unfortunately left out of the loop, I work for a company that monitors drug and alcohol testing for the trucking industry in California. Believe you me, it's more soul crushing than you'd think... but a paycheck is a wonderful motivator.

Also, I got a haircut, a fascination for Star Trek, a decent tolerance level, and an internal sense of responsibility: all things I was sorely lacking before I skipped town.

I do plan to post in this more often, for the three of you who read this, so I hope you enjoy.

PS: Yes, I did see Punisher: War Zone

PPS: Whatever you think I thought of it, that's what I did.

PPPS: <3 you all.

Naive Melody.

2008-11-09T03:03:00.002-08:00

I acknowledge I don't write in this enough... but that's mostly because I feel it doesn't merit to parrot.

For those of you who aren't Danny, here's what's up:

1) I have a job. Full-time, working for a company that monitors drug and alcohol testing for the trucking industry. It's every bit as glamorous, interesting, and fulfilling as it sounds... if you're an idiot.

2) I got a haircutsurprise. Before you accuse me of actually going corporate, I'll thank you kindly to try to scrub shampoo into a thick bramble bush, then rinse it all out. Now you know my pain.

3) I shouldn't have cut my hair.

4) Oh, how I miss you all. Terribly, to boot.

5) Life is a series of checks and balances, for better or worse.

6) Holy shit, Ice Cube might be the best rapper alive.

To wrap it up, I'm 23, employed, miserable and complacent.

Oh yeah, and I bought myself a MacBook for my birthday. Sell-out salaries let you do things like that.

Plz, let me know how your lives are; I try to keep in touch with all of you, but it's just hard, yo. Especially when I sell my soul for a third of the day for just enough scratch to keep the demons away.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record... I love you all.

PS: At Emily Vuxton's request, I'll post pictures of our new house... when I get over my distaste for digging through folders.

Thanks for reading, you all, and I am going to make an actual, honest to Grodd attempt to post in this more often.

PPS: LOLZ comic books.

Wild Pack of Family Dogs.

2008-09-04T14:05:00.002-07:00

The following paragraph is a rant. Be warned. It is completely skippable.

So here we are, in beautiful, maniacal, San Diego, CA. The weather's 73 degrees year round, usually, and the people are FUCKING CRAZY. As Daniel and I discussed, I think we live next to Arkham Asylum. A man missing his lower jaw comes out every day at around 8am, and departs at 8pm. Normally, this would not be a problem. However, since there's no central air, we open the windows. Solomon Grundy takes it upon himself to smoke and mumble for hours on end, sometimes under the pretense of having a conversation. Since my window is a perfect vantage point to next door, I get the full blast of his insane demeanor. It was cute for a couple of days...now we just fear for our lives.

END RANT

In other, actual news, I start in October with the Registrar of Voters, but am currently awaiting a hopefully fruitful opportunity with Verizon Wireless. I always pretended I'd never sell out...but I can't fucking wait to be a company man.

Also, for your enjoyment, a list of the films we've watched in the past couple of weeks:

2Fast 2Furious
Four Brothers (Twice)
John Witherspoon: You Got to Coordinate.
Postal
Soul Plane
Who's Your Caddy?

A startlingly obvious trend, if ever there was one. Let me just state, for the record: I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE.

Yes, I do miss you all. Yes, all of you. Yes, even those of you that read without my knowledge. I do hope you'll visit.

Might be going to LA this weekend, which is pretty chuuch.

Lastly, I've sent a lot of you postcards, but if you'd like one (or another,) hit me with your address. Send your letter bombs to:

Raf Gaytown
5755 Potomac Street
San Diego, CA 92139

I think that's it for now...

Oh! I got new glasses. Check out my Facebook profile, http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2006004 .

I think they make me look gay.

Best to all of you, and I will always love you all.

Once Upon a Time in the Projects.

2008-09-01T02:07:00.002-07:00

I think Ice Cube is my favorite rapper ever. That makes him the Thomas Allen Waits of hip-hop.

Once again it's on, I'm going out the front door, Ice Cube and the glass house headed for the store

Idolatry Tonight.

2008-09-01T01:12:00.001-07:00

Jim Colee is the reason I am who I am.

Discuss?

PS: San Diego is a see-saw of hope. I miss all of you...yet I want to start anew.

The Keyboard's Been Drinking (Not Me.)

2008-08-21T14:26:00.003-07:00

For all you Raf Gaytown fans out there, the soundtrack for this trip: Randy Newman's "Harps and Angels." I bought it at an indie music shop in Austin, Texas and it's fantastic. I also almost bought red sunglasses...more to come.

Greasy Spoon Guidelines:

1) Buffalo sauce and Tabasco go with EVERYTHING.
2) The bigger the omelette, the lesser the man.
3) Of course you can have 8 glasses of champagne at 1pm. It only cost you $2.99!
4) Yes, I WILL have it Animal Style, thank you.
5) Huevos Rancheros Omelettes are the reason you wake up in the morning.
6) 7 eggs is just excessive.
7) Why do apple crepes taste like Apple Jacks?
8) That is orange juice I just poured into my malt liquor.

Fake update: As I was typing that last sentence, the ice cream man passed by, jingling his bells. Feels good to be a kid again, doesn't it?

Stay trill, fam.

Feels Like Home.

2008-08-21T14:13:00.002-07:00

Well fam, I finally have news to report. We're in San Diego, and we have a home to call our own. If you're ever on the West Coast, drop by 5755 Potomac Street, San Diego, CA 92139. It's a lovely four bedroom house with a thoroughly modern kitchen. My room is a bit small, and I'll post pictures later, but I like it just the same. There's no central air, but that's both a) a common occurrence in San Diego, and b) perfectly fine when it's 73 degrees year round.

Also, it looks like I'll be working with the San Diego Registrar of Voters for the upcoming election, if only temporarily. It's work and money to pay the bills, so I'm slabbin'

Real talk: I miss all of you, and the phone being passed around at Ying's party made me realize that as hard as it is to say "goodbye," it's for the best. Expanding Westward is one of the best decisions I've ever made..at least, it's looking that way.

To those of you who read this: thanks. It means a lot.

In summation: I love each and every one of you.

The Lonesome, Crowded West.

2008-08-13T00:02:00.002-07:00

From Saturday, August 9th, to present, I have:

-Been in a car for over 20 hours.
-Slept about as many hours.
-almost hit a coyote.
-listened to Randy Newman's new album nine times.
-taken the Root Bear Surprise across the Mississippi.
-listened to a bunch of stand-up comedy albums.
-been more lecherous than I've been in the past twenty years.
-dranken a Hand Grenade
-visited America's butthole; Kermit, TX.

There's probably more, and I meant to update a bit more real-time, but finding a signal has been next to impossible. Tomorrow we head to Phoenix, Arizona, so if any of you have any suggestions as for things to do, then I'd love to hear them.

The 14th is the day: we arrive in beautiful, glorious San Diego, CA, at the corner of Adulthood and Responsibility. Fuck.

I miss you all.

California Medley

2008-08-08T02:41:00.004-07:00

I'm tempted to try to write a verbose and heartfelt goodbye to you all...but I won't.

I only have this to say to each and everyone of you:

Thanks.

Goodbye is too good a word, because people in my life are seasons..

In conclusion:

I have always, currently do, and will always, love you all.

Comedy Option:

Most of You: It's Been Real.
The Rest: Eat a Dick.
All of You: Thanks.

PS: You were always my favorite...

In Vino Veritas.

2008-08-06T23:42:00.003-07:00

I always thought I'd have more time. I'm leaving forever to slab Westward in 44 hours.

Wow; it always seems like you have more time, til you realize you did. I didn't think about it until I typed that number out. Hopefully, you've made the best of it.

Today's sign-off will be a comedy option that I test-ran on Jim Colee:

Most of you: It's been real.
The rest: Eat a dick.
All of You: Thanks.

Screw(ed)ville, USA.

2008-08-05T09:13:00.002-07:00

Blog update #1/ Actual update #5/ Gaitan Family Motto:

I didn't think I'd last this long. I wish I had been right.

Sleep Spent.

2008-08-05T05:36:00.003-07:00

Okay, right now it's 8:35 am. I have been awake since 4pm or so yesterday. My sleep schedule really could use a hard reset, and I'm just this side of reckless enough to consider it. As of now, I am going to try to stay up until sometime tomorrow night. By that logic, I should get a full night's sleep and bring my patterns back into what is considered the "normal" flow of things. I might not succeed...but I went down fighting it every step of the way.

Also, I think I'm going to be making a cameo appearance in Gainesvillain on Friday with our good friend, Daniel Martin Djello Djeljosevic. I do hope I'll see you all.

So on that note, here comes trouble. Remember kids, be like me...about 80% of the time.

PPS: I might be back to blog as time passes, but feel free to also check out my twitter page (www.twitter.com/bearsurprise) for the inevitable updates and the undeniable regrets.

Sweet Talk.

2008-07-23T01:57:00.003-07:00

I'd smoke for a kill.

So it's official; I'll be rollin' with Andrew, Shaun, and Danny (justafan.tandrew.com, www.isitobvious.com, and dfordjeljosevic.blogspot.com, respectively) to that newfound haven, San Diego.

I couldn't be more scared...or more excited. I have a good feeling, but you know what that usually means for a tramp like me.

If you read this, even a little bit, it'd be great to know, so hit me up sometime. I don't want to lose touch with anyone, and I figure this mess would be the best way to keep contact.

<3 to you all, I swear.

Fozzie Bear Surprise.

2008-07-07T15:32:00.006-07:00

:FAKEUPDATE: Flying Lotus's "1983" and J Dilla's "Donuts" should be on all of your iPods. Trust me.

Last night as I watched The Steve Harvey Show and couldn't sleep, I got to thinking about my love of Nabokov's Lolita, and particularly his impeccable ability to craft beauty from mere words. One phrase always stuck out with me: "A Sunset-Ending Street." I wrote up a brief short story/ treatment in my notebook, and promptly disregarded it, but I kept kicking this stanza I might include, if I decide to go back and expand it.

To everyone and no one in particular:
A sunset-ending street where the memories replete of the time you went away; a truly sunset-ending day.

Aside from that short burst of alleged creativity, I've been kicking around and plotting a legitimate idea for something I might write up and planning the big move to the West Coast.
However, my biggest gripe of all is with ION Television, for removing The Wayans Bros. from their schedule and replacing it with Hangin' With Mr. Cooper. I mean, what the fuck?

One day it'll have to make sense...won't it?

You Wasted Life, Why Wouldn't You Waste the Afterlife?

2008-06-28T23:41:00.004-07:00

I'm not as sure as I used to be. Taking a leap with a blindfold isn't sounding as awesome as it used to be.

Or is it?

Is there a way to make liquid courage last?

GZA/ The Genius of Internet Comedy

2008-06-09T13:41:00.004-07:00

UPDATE: I've started looking for jobs in San Diego, and I'd kill my idols for a sub sandwich. Preferably a breakfast hoagie.

So I've been reading Married to the Sea, and it's sort of hit-or-miss, but dear God, I couldn't have written this better myself.

If only Exploder could be as well-drawn, or funny.

In Ghost Colours.

2008-06-08T21:54:00.003-07:00

I've been fighting with this sick, sick throat since Tuesday night. Right now, I'd give anything, especially all my comics, for:

a) permanent relief from this sore throat
b) my own radio show.
c) you know the rest.

I've really been getting into This American Life right now, especially after catch an episode of the Showtime version. What a sublime show.

Poll:

I'm thinking about changing the name of this blog to either Bear Surprises or Break-Up Letters from a Bear Surprise. Thoughts? I'm open to any name change suggestions.

Thanks, all.

'til next time.

Rising Up.

2008-05-28T01:14:00.002-07:00

In roughly 16 hours I will be back in the Gainesville area. As for the previous post, I won't say it should be disregarded, but understand everyone has rough patches. You can't choose when they come at you, but you can try to be better. That's all you can ever do, really.

I haven't let you all go, and I won't. You were all good to me, and I can only hope that I was good to you.

At the risk of having this sound like my old livejournal,

I love you all.

Ya lyublyu nikh.

Also, The In Crowd by the Kidz in the Hall is a great hip-hop album, which everyone should listen to twice right now. See y'all in the evening.

-Raf Deini

Rising Down.

2008-05-18T01:33:00.003-07:00

In roughly 48 hours I expect to be back in Miami. This town will be in cinders.

Everything ends, after all. People in your life are seasons. We had some fun, some ups and downs, but in the end, you gotta let me go. I already have.

At least, I'd like to think so.

Do svidaniya, vsyekh.

Glocko Pop

2008-05-13T12:39:00.005-07:00

Do Svidaniya, Djeljosevic is back on track. Currently Daniel Martin Djeljosevic and I are sitting in the apartment hopped up on lemonade and The O.C. reruns and banging out the comedic script to end all comedic scripts. We're going to murder comedy once and for all with episode one, tentatively titled "Glocko Pop." Also, each episode will be named after a Wu-Tang or Wu-Tang related song. KILLA BEE STING.

Oh, and I graduated. Tight.

Here I come, San Diego Slabbin', Til next time, I'm making my exit on some calm shit, so hit me on the regular for kegs of more...

VOMITSPIT.

...And It Happens Every Day...

2008-05-02T17:55:00.003-07:00

I can hardly believe it's been four years of highs and lows, ins and outs, and just about every pair of coaxial emotions you can imagine. But above all, it's been real, and I couldn't have done it without you all. All of you.

Exploder will be back soon, when I get some fresh ideas and initiative. But it's coming. And don't forget to catch my exploits as I go West Coast Lampin and San Diego Slabbin, simultaneously.

I guess this is the long goodbye.

The Greatest Pac-Man Victory in History

2008-04-02T23:35:00.002-07:00

Too much Russian, too much pepperoni, too much coffee and too little sleep bring you Exploder #2: Exploder Tells a Story. Enjoy it, and feedback is always appreciated.

Anyone wanna hit the Arredondo Room with me and the Tannhauser Gate at 1pm?

PS: So listen, Danny and I are thinking about doing some electronic music as a side project; convince him that Supreme Clientele is a good name, or simply Clientele. Suggestions are always welcome.

PPS: How do you guys feel about the name Hacksaw Truffaut?

EXPLODERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2008-03-25T20:49:00.004-07:00

Because of size constraints, you might have to click the image to get the whole thing. It's worth it?

So hey guys, in class today I decided to be productive, so I created the long talked about web-series Exploder!!!! that I suggested a while ago. Without further ado, Exploder!!! will be posted with some frequency. This is the rare #1 that I created today, and hopefully I'll have them up more and more.

PS: I have a newfound respect for inkers.
PPS: Look for the spinoff: Exploder Joins a Student Programming Group

Exploder #1 by Rafael Gaitan
"Exploder Plans a Trip"

PPPS: The word he says is "asshole." It looks like "coshole"...but it's not.

Even In These Formal Shorts, I Feel Like a Failure

2008-03-23T20:57:00.002-07:00

Am I really turning into a grown-up? I'm thinking about grad school and moving to another state and settling our my affairs for the future, and less and less about things I care about everyday.

What happened to just not giving a fuck?

In lighter, more career-oriented news, it does seem like I will be making the Quantum Leap into another state sometime in the near future. Everything just has to come together, and it looks like it will, which is exciting.

Music has been kind to me lately, with my post being kicked up soon on justafan.tandrew.com, as well as a weekend full of vampires, tokyo police clubs, and NBA Superstar Puns. And Ballantine's Finest, which is far from.

Anyone wanna go to California with an aching in their heart?

.tipstimoV

2008-03-16T21:48:00.005-07:00

So it's been a week since I last had any kind of internet access, and in that week I managed to

a) improve my golf game, but in an amount so negligible that it's laughable.
b) purchase BluBlockers.
c) pour through disc after disc of the lovely and talented Veronica Mars
d) listen to the Mars Volta like I was getting paid for it.
e) miss all 3 of you who read this, as well as the countless that I wish did, like hell.

Thanks for the memories, now, then, and for all the whens. It doesn't seem like it matters...but it does.

<>

I've always felt that some of the best songs I've ever heard are really, really short. Apparently brevity, aside from being the soul of wit, is the lifeblood of pop brilliance. A 2-3 minute song is usually much more focused, clever, and downright enjoyable than the epics brought about by some artists, though by no means is this any kind of solid observation.

The Kinks are a band that are known unknowns, to turn a phrase off a Three-Six Mafia record. Everyone has heard of the Kinks, and everyone has heard "Lola" or "You Really Got Me"...and that is that. The Kinks enjoyed great success in England, and Ray Davies is probably one of the greatest singer/ songwriters of any generation. The song that made me realize how wrong I was to lump the Kinks into the British Invasion Also-Rans is one of the happiest, poppiest, prettiest and most evocative songs I've ever heard, off of their 1968 album The Kinks Are the Village
Green Preservation Society,

"People Take Pictures of Each Other"

Clocking in at a mere 2:12, Ray and the gang take us through a lifetime of photographs, with and without his presence. Using generalizations of occasions when people would photograph one another, and blended with personal anecdotes, the song offers a sweet and sentimental look at exactly what makes one care about the fleeting moments of life. As Ray himself puts it in one of the most poignant and gorgeous verses ever written, "People take pictures of each other/ and the moment to last them forever/ of the time when they mattered to someone." The deceptively easygoing backing track caught me off guard the first few times and found me singing along, completely underlying the powerful message contained in one simple sentence. The Kinks capture a moment of sublime sentiment in telling us what we know; pictures capture what we wish we could have forever. Time flees, people fade, but pictures help us delay reality for the better. No matter what one thinks of him or herself, everyone has had their picture taken, which reminds us of a simple resolution; at some point in time, someone thought so much of each of us that they wanted that fleeting second to last, that one particular moment, for as long as it possibly could. As the narrator of the songs puts it, "How I love things as they used to be/ Don't show me no more please." Overwhelmed by all the energy and fulfillment that a simple object can hold, the narrator finds himself relenting to this emotional tidal wave. The song captures the feeling of stumbling onto old photographs and "time traveling" to periods that mattered to someone, somewhere, enough to grasp tightly.

This song reminds me of "the good times," when people could just be at their most emotionally naked, and when there was nothing more important than the moment. As I'm graduating in just a few months, this song particularly hits close to home, as those of you who personally know me are aware of how notoriously camera-evasive I can be most of the time. A song like "People Take Pictures of Each Other" reminds me that life is too short to let slip, that it's too short to avoid or dodge out of the frame of, and as futile as it seems to try to fit an abstract concept into the inevitably fallible , it'll be worth it someday, somewhere. To someone.

YOU A FOOL FOR THIS ONE.

2008-03-10T11:19:00.004-07:00

MegaCon was amazing, as usual; it's nice to have a weekend away from reality.

This weekend was filled with spirits (heightened and filtered) and well as egregious amounts of rap music, freestyling, and personal affronts. And also breakfast spreads that possibly qualify as heaven-sent.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

PS: Dyevushki, soboka.

PPS: Maybe I listen to just a bit too much Ghostface.

(S)elective Memories.

2008-03-02T21:48:00.004-08:00

I almost forgot that I had this thing. Life has been...life, and I think I've come to realize that Popeye Doyle could be the greatest fictional character ever.

In lieu of interesting/ exciting/ cliche news about life and how scared I am of the future, I leave you with selective quotes from my favorite person ever, Andrew Tan.

#1)
"Don't Asian people look funny?"
-While watching A Better Tomorrow II and after a Tequila Slammer

#2)
"I'm fucking playing Fake Plastic Trees, you stupid motherfucker!"
-upon being asked by Dominic Tao what he thought he was doing.

#3)
"Let's Go to Krispy Kreme and get some hookers!"
-Upon being asked if cream-filled or jelly-filled hookers were more desirable.

Aside from that, shit is life is shit. At least MegaCon is this weekend. Nothing to take one's mind off of dyevushki like a weekend of friends and people weirder than you.

I'll try to write in this more often, and more importantly, with more "prestigious" content. I'd hate for this to become LJ2.

Wanna give me a job, Someone?

Effect and Cause

2007-11-24T19:25:00.000-08:00

So I'm blogging at 10:30pm on a Saturday in Miami, FL. That doesn't make me any less of a man.

Can anyone guess why? It's not because I'm drunk, I assure you; that would mean your phones would be ringing off the hook.

I can't wait to go back tomorrow and have a whole new set of things I wish I was doing.

:-)

Thank God for Automatic Log-Ins.

2007-11-19T21:54:00.000-08:00

Aspect ratios should really be preserved on a network called Home Box Office.

That being said, Scarface and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid cropped from 2.35:1 to 1.33 is really a butcher's handiwork.

I was told to be more serious in this blog, but I'll leave you with a tidbit of the old life:

GIRLZ, DAWG.

Joke's On You.

2007-10-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

I don't get how this life thing works.

YES I USE SPLENDA!

2007-10-02T22:56:00.001-07:00

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT MY CAT DID TODAY! IT WAS TOOOOO CUTE!

SOME PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO STOP TALKING...

REAL FRIENDS STAB YOU IN THE FRONT!

I TOOK THE BEST NAP IN THE WORLD TODAY; I LOVE SLEEPING IT MAKES ME HAPPY! THE SANDWICH I MADE AFTER WAS DELICIOUS. I LOVE COOKING IT MAKES ME HAPPY TOO!

DON'T MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE; I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SEE YOU MUFUCKAS LATER...?

--Raf aka SHADOWRUN WOLFMOON

(a collection of impressions of blogs and Livejournal posts, brought to you by Daniel Djeljosevic, Shaun Spalding, Katrina Leigh Leblanc, and Dr. Rafael Gaitan.)

PS: FUK DA HaTeRZZ!

Current Music: Avenged Sevenfold!!!

(I just want to be in love...)

Wow.

2007-10-01T18:45:00.001-07:00

Man, I can't believe this thing still exists. I could have sworn that I would have been purged at this point...but here we are, for better or worst.

All's (not) well.

Umm...this is mostly a template to see how it goes, and I might possibly post on here a bit more regularly, but until then, fuck this.

Da svidaniya.