The Keyboard's Been Drinking (Not Me.)

For all you Raf Gaytown fans out there, the soundtrack for this trip: Randy Newman's "Harps and Angels." I bought it at an indie music shop in Austin, Texas and it's fantastic. I also almost bought red sunglasses...more to come.

Greasy Spoon Guidelines:

1) Buffalo sauce and Tabasco go with EVERYTHING.
2) The bigger the omelette, the lesser the man.
3) Of course you can have 8 glasses of champagne at 1pm. It only cost you $2.99!
4) Yes, I WILL have it Animal Style, thank you.
5) Huevos Rancheros Omelettes are the reason you wake up in the morning.
6) 7 eggs is just excessive.
7) Why do apple crepes taste like Apple Jacks?
8) That is orange juice I just poured into my malt liquor.

Fake update: As I was typing that last sentence, the ice cream man passed by, jingling his bells. Feels good to be a kid again, doesn't it?

Stay trill, fam.

Feels Like Home.

Well fam, I finally have news to report. We're in San Diego, and we have a home to call our own. If you're ever on the West Coast, drop by 5755 Potomac Street, San Diego, CA 92139. It's a lovely four bedroom house with a thoroughly modern kitchen. My room is a bit small, and I'll post pictures later, but I like it just the same. There's no central air, but that's both a) a common occurrence in San Diego, and b) perfectly fine when it's 73 degrees year round.

Also, it looks like I'll be working with the San Diego Registrar of Voters for the upcoming election, if only temporarily. It's work and money to pay the bills, so I'm slabbin'

Real talk: I miss all of you, and the phone being passed around at Ying's party made me realize that as hard as it is to say "goodbye," it's for the best. Expanding Westward is one of the best decisions I've ever made..at least, it's looking that way.

To those of you who read this: thanks. It means a lot.

In summation: I love each and every one of you.

The Lonesome, Crowded West.

From Saturday, August 9th, to present, I have:

-Been in a car for over 20 hours.
-Slept about as many hours.
-almost hit a coyote.
-listened to Randy Newman's new album nine times.
-taken the Root Bear Surprise across the Mississippi.
-listened to a bunch of stand-up comedy albums.
-been more lecherous than I've been in the past twenty years.
-dranken a Hand Grenade
-visited America's butthole; Kermit, TX.

There's probably more, and I meant to update a bit more real-time, but finding a signal has been next to impossible. Tomorrow we head to Phoenix, Arizona, so if any of you have any suggestions as for things to do, then I'd love to hear them.

The 14th is the day: we arrive in beautiful, glorious San Diego, CA, at the corner of Adulthood and Responsibility. Fuck.

I miss you all.

California Medley

I'm tempted to try to write a verbose and heartfelt goodbye to you all...but I won't.

I only have this to say to each and everyone of you:

Thanks.

Goodbye is too good a word, because people in my life are seasons..

In conclusion:

I have always, currently do, and will always, love you all.

Comedy Option:

Most of You: It's Been Real.
The Rest: Eat a Dick.
All of You: Thanks.

PS: You were always my favorite...

In Vino Veritas.

I always thought I'd have more time. I'm leaving forever to slab Westward in 44 hours.

Wow; it always seems like you have more time, til you realize you did. I didn't think about it until I typed that number out. Hopefully, you've made the best of it.

Today's sign-off will be a comedy option that I test-ran on Jim Colee:

Most of you: It's been real.
The rest: Eat a dick.
All of You: Thanks.

Screw(ed)ville, USA.

Blog update #1/ Actual update #5/ Gaitan Family Motto:

I didn't think I'd last this long. I wish I had been right.

Sleep Spent.

Okay, right now it's 8:35 am. I have been awake since 4pm or so yesterday. My sleep schedule really could use a hard reset, and I'm just this side of reckless enough to consider it. As of now, I am going to try to stay up until sometime tomorrow night. By that logic, I should get a full night's sleep and bring my patterns back into what is considered the "normal" flow of things. I might not succeed...but I went down fighting it every step of the way.

Also, I think I'm going to be making a cameo appearance in Gainesvillain on Friday with our good friend, Daniel Martin Djello Djeljosevic. I do hope I'll see you all.

So on that note, here comes trouble. Remember kids, be like me...about 80% of the time.

PPS: I might be back to blog as time passes, but feel free to also check out my twitter page (www.twitter.com/bearsurprise) for the inevitable updates and the undeniable regrets.